Coca-Cola Makes Commitment to Make Transparency Commitments More Transparent

Coca-Cola CEO Muhtar Kent has promised to transform Coke’s Transparency website by making it actually transparent. “This time we mean it,” Kent alleged.

In a press conference this afternoon, Kent outlined the company’s strategy for achieving transparent Transparency:

“Over the past few years, consumers have begun to demand beverages that don’t kill them when regularly consumed. We at Coke responded by paying scientists to claim that obesity has no relation to what they eat and drink. All was well. But then people started looking into our financial records. Now we have to disclose our pay-offs, I mean scientific funding. Sure, the first 17 editions of our Transparency database were incorrect. But you’ve got to trust us this time.”

The latest round of interest in Coca-Cola’s Transparency archive began when a FOIA request revealed Coca-Cola was buying compliant CDC and NIH officials luxury cars through a program code-named “Lamborghinis for Lackeys.”

CDC Director Tom Frieden inspired the program in 2014 when wrote the following in an email to Kent: “If you want us to keep lying to Congress about our chronic disease programs’ efficacy, I’m going to need something with a bit more go than a Maybach.”