ACSM and Coca-Cola Unveil New ‘Smart Can’ Technology That Tracks How Many Calories of Liquid Fructose You’ve Earned

In a joint statement released yesterday, Coca-Cola and the American College of Sports Medicine (ACSM) proudly announced a new technology that aims to keep Americans consuming their products despite growing evidence of the toxicity of excess sugar. The new “Smart Can” tracks how many calories you expend while performing the 12-oz. curls required to take the soda from table to mouth.

“The goal of this exciting new technology is to keep people drinking soda,” said ACSM spokesman Ross Armstrong. “We hope to help Americans maintain energy balance while ensuring Coca-Cola will continue to pay the bills for our organization for the next decade.”

This is not the first time the ACSM has parented with the soda giant on new technology. The two organizations previously worked on both the ACSM-branded “soda guzzler” helmet, designed to optimize hydration, and the “Pulse Koozie,” which measures resting heart rate while you hold your Coke.

Armstrong assured the press that there was no conflict of interest involved with a health-science organization taking so much funding from a soda company: “Soda consumption, just like the occasional cigarette or line of cocaine, is a perfectly safe and healthy treat for every family.”