Powerlifter Secretly Attempts Muscle-Up After Hours

San Francisco, California—Last Thursday, after seven full years of mocking the “bullshit in the corner,” powerlifter Larry “Daddy Diesel” Harrison surreptitiously left the squat rack and wandered over to the gymnastics rings hanging in the CrossFit area.

Certain no one was in the building, Harrison chalked his hands and tried to remember what the gym’s CrossFitters did with the rings when they weren’t busy doing “Kipling” pull-ups and generally training to be weak as fuck.

Absolutely certain he would be able to do about 20-30 muscle-ups in his first set, Harrison grabbed the rings for an awkward failed attempt related to a severe lack of shoulder flexibility.

Upon recovery several minutes later, a still-winded Harrison was setting up for another attempt when he heard keys in the door and lumbered back to the power cage, arriving just in time to mutter “hey, pussy” when another gym member walked in wearing toe shoes.