Visionary Spies Unclaimed Turf in CrossFit T-Shirt Market

Earlier this week, Duncan Smith proudly became the millionth entrepreneur to launch an apparel company targeting CrossFit athletes. The fashion mogul was completely undaunted by total market saturation and released earnings projections well into seven figures.

“I have a lot of new ideas for T-shirts,” Smith said. “For example, have we really exhausted every play on the word ‘WOD’? Not by a long shot.”

Smith’s investors—parents Rita and Bob Smith—were less confident of success but nevertheless backed their 2002 Dodge Intrepid out of the garage to make room for their son’s newest venture, a follow-up to a failed supplement business that was incorporated and dissolved in 2014.

Smith immediately proceeded to spend a significant portion of his start-up budget on Facebook ads featuring girlfriend Jenny Jones wearing a prototype sleeveless hoodie and looking “smokin’ hot” in a sideways trucker cap. The marketing plan for the as-yet-unnamed company also included non-monetary sponsorship of CrossFit Games Open competitor Ken Jacobs, who finished in the top 120 in his region last year but is likely to crack the top 115 in 2017.

Market experts remain bearish on the company’s upcoming IPO, with one stating that the smartest play might be buying the entire company for less than $100 and burning its T-shirts for heat in the chilly spring months.

Smith remained undeterred and was confident his Wrist Wraps division could more than offset any early losses as the T-Shirtdivision works to claim market share.

“Wrist wraps are going to be lit in 2017,” he said. “Mine have skulls on them.