After several months of lifting silently by himself in the corner, “nationally ranked 85-kg weightlifter” Dom Bertuzzi finally spoke out when an athlete used the term “squat snatches” in the 5-p.m. class at CrossFit Semantics.
“Is this the first ever time you’ve done ‘squat snatches?'” Bertuzzi jeered from his regular spot near the furnace room in which he stores the Eleiko bar no one else is allowed to touch.
“Did you want to do these squat snatches in close proximity to me? Perhaps we could collaborate together to give the class advance notice to prevent a serious crisis. Past history indicates we need a new beginning in this relationship–you rotten dicks!” Bertuzzi shouted as he limped over to the whiteboard, favoring the right knee he injured in his last Smolov cycle and the left knee he injured in the cycle before that.
“What a totally unique term,” Bertuzzi jeered, veins popping around a throat colored red with barbell rash from a recent mesocycle focused on the jerk. “Did you want to repeat it again?”
Preparing to launch another salvo, Bertuzzi suddenly looked panicked when drug-testing agent Phil Lemieux entered the front door, clearly there for a “random” out-of-competition test.
“What an unexpected surprise,” Bertuzzi said while running for the door.
“Tell him I’m in Belize.”