Irritated CrossFit Coach Programs Pee Breaks Into WODs

Benjamin Crane of Montana today became the first affiliate owner to take action against athletes who delay the start of a workout with emergency bathroom breaks.

“It was getting to the point where I was constantly saying, ‘3…2… Damn it. Yes, you can go to the bathroom.’ Then we’d all just awkwardly stand around and wait for Barry or Carla to do their business,” Crane explained. “When they returned, someone else would need to go. It was a chain reaction.”

Crane knew he needed a new system after athletes last Friday spent an entire hour delaying the start of a five-minute workout with bathroom breaks. To preserve the flow of the class and ensure athletes actually train, Crane now programs bathroom breaks into workouts. For example, today’s challenge is a chipper:

For time:
Empty bowels or bladder
50 thrusters
50 pull-ups
300 double-unders

“I’m simply building bathroom breaks into the WODs,” Crane said. “You actually aren’t allowed to hit the head until I say ‘go.’ It’s very functional. Excretion in response to stress is hardwired into our DNA, and I’m sure cave people had to dump when a lion approached. They just took care of business on the fly and didn’t wipe.”

Crane said athletes may still put “Rx” beside their names if they do not use the bathroom during a workout, but he was clear that athletes who used the restroom would come out on top if tied with athletes who did not visit the facilities.

“Especially if it was No. 2,” Crane said of male athletes. “We essentially count that as an extra squat.”