Gallup Poll: Burpees Hate You Too

Every time your name is mentioned in a CrossFit class, burpees groan, roll their eyes, and contort their faces, confirms the polling firm Gallup.

95% of the Burpees polled by Gallup, from a group spanning over 20 different countries, stated that they shake their heads and mutter to themselves any time your name is mentioned or written on the whiteboard.

Data indicates that your name had the exact same effect in countries such as France, Germany, Russia, China and Brazil, suggesting that hatred of you by burpees is a global phenomenon that crosses borders and unites seemingly diverse cultures.

“It’s true. I hate that wanker,” burpees in the United Kingdom confirmed.

“Que se joda,” burpees in Latin American stated emphatically.

In Australia, burpees reacted to your name simply by raising a middle finger and walking away.

When burpees were asked why they hate you, a plurality, 40 percent, told Gallup they were tired of you “peeling your flaccid body off the ground” during the push-up phase of the movement; 30 percent identified your “sub-par jump and clap” at the end of each rep, and 26 percent said they hate your “general lack of enthusiasm.”

Interestingly, burpees also agreed that if your partner is named Fran, she’s almost certainly “horrible.”