Man Dies After Massive Collection of CrossFit T-Shirts Collapses

Philadephia— 40-year-old Bill Johnson was found dead under his three-ton collection of CrossFit shirts, which apparently collapsed on him sometime Wednesday morning. A part-time trainer at a local CrossFit gym, Johnson’s body was discovered inside his apartment when a friend, Dylan White, came to find out why he had failed to show up at the gym.

“He had a pretty large collection of CrossFit shirts,” White recalled. “He was always traveling for work, and he’d bring back a shirt from every gym he ever visited. Everyone knew he had a problem, we just didn’t know how to talk to him about it.”

Sources say Johnson had recently broken up with his girlfriend, Tammy, and that the size of his T-shirt collection, which took up an entire room in his house, was a source of tension in the relationship.

“When Tammy left him, he started bringing home even more CrossFit T-shirts,” White said, barely holding back tears. “He would even keep the ill-fitting 100% cotton t-shirts from the gyms that didn’t have the self-respect to buy 50/50 blends.”

Johnson’s gym will be hosting a memorial event for him next week to help raise money for charity. Event T-shirts will be available for purchase.