Advanced $500 Sandbag Almost Perfectly Replicates Real Bag of Sand

Boomer Baker, owner of Elite Tactical Combat Sandbags, claims to have designed and manufactured “the perfect sandbag,” according to an ad campaign launched just after Director Dave Castro announced sandbags would be part of CrossFit Games Regionals Event 6.

“The Mark IV Delta Quad Chamber Multi-Ply Tactical S-Bag is the closest you’re ever going get to real bag of sand,” Baker said earlier this week.

The product of five years of research in Baker’s secret garage R&D facility, the Mark IV is reportedly filled with a proprietary granular mixture that’s almost identical to real sand. The bag itself has been specially designed to contain the material the exact same way a normal bag holds its contents—except better.

“This isn’t your standard bag of sand,” Baker said. “The second you pick up the Mark IV, you know you’re dealing with a next-level piece of training or combat equipment.”

Indeed, repeated independent testing revealed that blindfolded athletes, construction workers, and military engineers could not distinguish the Mark IV from a real sandbag filled with sand.

“It’s the most realistic product I’ve ever encountered,” stated Lt. Gen. Abraham A. Lexington of the United States Army Corps of Engineers. “The Mark IV might actually be capable of replacing real bags of sand in combat situations.”

Baker, whose cutting-edge product retails for $500 before taxes and shipping, is said to be working on larger version of the Mark IV. Nicknamed the “Mother of all Bags,” the Mark V is likely to hold more proprietary-blend sand than the Mark IV.