Man Adds Weight Vest to All Workouts, Ensures Excuse for Finishing Last

Stanley Cramps has found a unique way of protecting his ego while training at his local CrossFit affiliate.

It’s no secret that the 36-year-old former collegiate football player hates any workout that doesn’t involve some sort of strict press.

“My body just isn’t built for running, burpees, pull-ups, pretty much anything that resembles CrossFit,” Cramps confessed.

“I decided that if I’m going to finish every workout in the back of the pack, I might as well look tough for doing it with a weighted vest on.”

Cramps Coach, Ronnie Parker, says the vest is more of a security blanket than a training tool.

“The vest really does nothiing but make him feel better about being slow. It’s an extra ten pounds on a guy that weighs 230. He takes dumps that heavy.”

Cramps seems to recognize he purely aesthetic function of the vest.

“When people see me struggling to finish a 400m run, I want them to see a tough guy struggling with a harder version of the workout they just finished. Without the vest they just see a fat guy who won’t clean up his diet.”