Often described as an “absolute ray of sunshine” when overweight, a much healthier Carol Walker is now considered utterly insufferable by most of her former acquaintances.
After committing to the Paleo Diet, Walker lost 20 lb. over eight months while bleeding friends at a much faster rate due to her holier-than-thou attitude and refusal to talk about anything other than nutrition. According to Facebook, she is now completely friendless, and a straw poll of 20 previous acquaintances revealed 100 percent now describe her as “horrid.”
“You eat too much gluten,” she said when asked about her diminished waistline and social circle. “I haven’t had a molecule of gluten in 245 days. You have bags under your eyes because you eat too much dairy. Your diet sucks.”
She continued: “Paleo. Paleo. Paleo. Vegetables. Paleo. Caveman. Jerky. Paleo. Paleo. Paleolithic. Animals. Paleo. Natural. Paleo.”
She then proceeded to post no less than six pictures of the same piece of broccoli to Instagram with the hashtags “#dealwithit” and “#ieatbetterthanyou.”
Nutrition expert and psychologist Harold Wellenberg said his research indicates the Paleo Diet is actually less a nutrition program and more a self-directed intervention designed to cleanse one’s social circle with extreme prejudice.
“Paleo Diet practitioners are immediately toxic to all existing relationships only seconds after committing to the program. A person’s entire personality is almost instantly rewired to create arrogant, judgmental, obnoxious, intolerable boors who won’t shut up.”
Walker was not available to comment on Wellenberg’s research because she would not stop talking about legumes and how your current diet offends her on a religious level.