Gym Owner Turns to Alcohol After Jump Ropes Left in Tangled Mass

Rick Sanchez, owner and head coach of CrossFit Mobocracy, has turned to alcohol after a discouraging discovery in his gym early this week.

The 49-year-old has a history of alcohol addiction, but friends and family say he has been clean and sober for years. That all changed when Sanchez discovered his clients had turned his carefully organized and color-coded speed-ropes into a tangled rat’s nest.

“When we came into the gym Tuesday morning, he was face-down on a lifting platform,” Said Kevin Doyle, a trainer at CrossFit Mobocracy. “I knew it was bad the moment I smelled the room. There was an empty bottle of scotch next to him, and a few crushed beer cans.”

Doyle explained that Sanchez had been working tirelessly to clean up and organize the gym, encouraging athletes to put equipment back neatly.

“Rick spent hours untangling those ropes, oiling the ball joints, and color coding them by length. He even missed his son’s baseball game for it. Why? to make it easier for his athletes to find the right jump rope. Then those monsters repay him with this.”

Doyle pulled out his phone and played a voicemail that Sanchez had left him the night before, presumably in a state of intoxication. Amidst indistinguishable clattering and banging sounds, Sanchez can be heard saying “I just give up, I just give up. They don’t care so I don’t care.”

At time of press, Sanchez’s family informed The Overheard Press that he was doing well and would be released from the hospital by Wednesday morning.