Athlete Knows Coach Is Busy With CPR but Still Wants Protein Bar

Lanni Lumberg, tired of waiting for her coach to finish a sentence, interrupted trainer Bill Trayson in the middle of the 6-p.m. class and asked to purchase a choco-mocha-caramel protein bar.

“I’ll start CPR and someone else needs to—” Trayson started before Lumberg broke in.

“I know you’re really busy right now, but I don’t want to miss the post-workout window and lose my gains,” said Lumberg, who had been uploading videos of her workout to Instagram for the previous 45 minutes.

“Larry, call 911 and tell them we need medical assistance immediately for—” Trayson continued, rudely ignoring Lumberg as he performed CPR.

She interjected: “Bill, I know you’ve got a lot going on, but I kinda need that choco-mocha, y’know? Can you, like, hook me up?”

Trayson, who had clearly ceased to believe the customer is always right, paid little attention to Lumberg, who grew more and more insistent.

“Bill! Protein bar! Now-now-now! Choco-mocha!” she yelled, stomping her feet and distracting the paramedics who had just arrived.

Trayson, now assisting the EMTs and paying no attention to Lumberg, was clearly failing to provide adequate customer service in a timely manner. Frustrated at her coach’s lack of concern for her nutrition needs, Lumberg immediately wrote a scathing Facebook review of the gym, noting, “It’s like these people don’t even care at all.”

Taking her protest to its inevitable end, Lumberg then typed a terse email and told Trayson she would be canceling her six-month membership contract after two months to do a competitors program at another gym.

“The atmosphere here has really changed,” she said by way of explanation.

After hitting “send,” she gathered her knee sleeves and left the building for the last time, nibbling without satisfaction on the choco-mint protein bar she had brought with her to the gym.