Personal Trainer’s Clipboard Actually Full of Penis Drawings

Lawrence Dennis of New Mexico drew no less than 10 penises during a recent intake session with new personal-training client Heather Sharey.

Sharey had contacted Dennis to arrange a series of training sessions and said he was “incredibly knowledgeable and professional” during their first meeting, in which he appeared to take copious notes after asking questions about training history, injuries and goals.

Dennis, however, had actually only written the date at the top of his client intake form before drawing his first penis, a bearded member loosely based on the “Lord of the Rings” character Gandalf.

As Sharey detailed her 2015 ACL reconstruction, Dennis furrowed his brows, nodded and said “I see, I see” while drawing phalluses two through six, four surgeons in masks operating on a fifth erection.

During the goal-setting segment, Sharey listed pull-ups and a body-weight deadlift as goals, while Dennis drew a series of three very muscular organs receiving Olympic medals on a podium from a smaller flaccid penis.

The interview complete, Dennis filed the intake sheet in a cabinet containing approximately 73 other forms devoid of client information but full of penises.

“This has been incredibly productive, Heather. I can’t wait to get started,” Dennis said.