MADISON– The Dave Castro briefly removed his hat today while overlooking an event staff meeting in the Exhibit Hall of the Alliant Energy Center. Witnesses claim to have seen the unmistakable face of “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” peering around the room in what appeared to be feverish excitement.
“It actually makes a lot of sense,” said individual competitor Chyna Cho. “The evil things he makes us do—I always wondered if there was something deeply wrong with him.”
Other athletes said they suspected Castro might be under the influence of a powerful dark force when he announced that Team Event 1 would have a time cap of 2.5 hours.
Witnesses say Castro removed his hat for only a moment, put it back on his head, and then looked around to see if anyone had noticed. While most of the nearby volunteers had seen what his cap was concealing, they all quickly looked away.
Scott Panchik was also unsurprised to learn that Castro might be harboring the Dark Lord.
“Before the swim event, Dave came up to me and said he had added sharks to the lake. I laughed nervously, but he just stared at me. He was dead serious.”