New Gym Policies Apparently Don’t Apply to Veteran Member

Day 1 member Kimmie Rosario is standing up to tyrannical policies recently instituted by CrossFit affiliate owner Sam Villas.

After 18 months of allowing athletes to show up to any class with no warning whatsoever, Villas is now demanding his clients take 20 seconds to click a button on an app so she and her trainers can plan scaling options, tailor workouts, and manage space and equipment.

While most athletes submitted to the oppressive change, Rosario is taking a stand.

“This policy is ridiculous,” said Rosario, who had parked in the fire lane after arriving late to the 6 p.m. class because she was on Snapchat and rear-ended another driver.

Rosario, who is clearly entitled to special privileges, has previously ignored onerous gym policies about keeping chalk in designated buckets and not tying knots in jump-ropes.

Her rebellion against the newest policy involves texting Villas regularly to ask her to “sign me in to class,” then texting back to cancel, then texting back a third time to ask the owner to sign her in for a different class.

Rosario also took issue with the fact that Villas is now requiring payment by credit card on the first or 15th of every month.

“I always pay my membership fees,” said Rosario, who was three months behind on her fees and had bounced her last check to the gym. “This is just a cash grab.”

Finally, Rosario expressed contempt for a new policy designed to prolong equipment life by violently slamming the Concept2 monitor into the housing before leaving the ergometer in the middle of the floor.

“Now where did I put my checkbook?” she said as she rummaged through her gym bag.