Man Introduces Friend to CrossFit With Sensible 45-Minute AMRAP

MEMPHIS- Ray Stephens has been singing the praises of CrossFit since he started, but the fitness enthusiast has finally convinced his former college roommate to give the program a try.

Peter Oppliger visited Stephens last weekend, and finally agreed to try one of the workouts his friend has gone on about for months. “I just spent a hundred bucks on a series of at-home fitness DVD’s,” Oppliger explained, “So I really wasn’t interested in CrossFit. I just wanted Ray to shut up about it.”

Oppliger believed that by trying a single CrossFit workout, under the instruction and supervision of his friend, he would be able to end the constant proselytizing he had endured for the last 8 weeks.

He arrived at Stephens’ garage at 8 o’clock in the morning, ready for what he assumed would be “battle ropes and a few kettelball swings.” Oppliger had seen these movements in a YouTube video, and apparently believed them to be emblematic of CrossFit.

Instead, Oppliger was treated to a 45-minute workout consisting of barbell thrusters, sprints, burpees, GHD sit-ups, and box-jumps.

“Pete is in decent shape,” Stephens explained, “So obviously the most important thing about introducing him to CrossFit was designing a workout that would physically and emotionally scar him for life.”

Oppliger, fueled by the healthy rivalry that has existed between the two men since college, began the workout at what Stephens called “a blistering pace.”

“I knew within the first round he was going to crush his own soul trying to finish this workout, which is clearly the most prudent way to introduce anyone to an unfamiliar workout regimen.”

At the conclusion of the workout, Oppliger lay writhing on the ground as Stephenson once again described how CrossFit improves functional ability and quality of life. An hour later he was taken away by local emergency medical personnel, no longer able to walk.

“I’m sure once he gets out of the hospital and recovers from whatever is wrong with him, he will be a Kool-Aid drinker for life.”