Woman Convinced Five Workouts Per Day Will Yield Five Times Results

BOSTON- Tired of experiencing steady, measurable improvements to her fitness over the course of a year, Jane McGill has embarked on a new training plan designed to rapidly increase her results.

In an exclusive interview with the Overheard Press, McGill explained that she intends to multiply her current training volume by a factor of 5. McGill also predicts that the rate at which her fitness improves, which will obviously also increase by a multiple of 5, will put her in the top-10 at the CrossFit Games by next year.

“I’ve checked and double-checked the math,” she said. “It can’t fail.”

While McGill defends her logic by pointing to the multi-workout training days of CrossFit legends like Rich Froning, not everyone is convinced her strategy will pay off.

Mark Pearce, McGill’s coworker, noticed a change in his colleague after she began her new training regimen.

“Now she always looks like she is about to die. Yesterday, I saw her asleep at her desk and I thought about checking her pulse.”

Despite an early decrease in work capacity, McGill remains convinced that training multiple times per day is her ticket to rapid improvements to her fitness.

“I’m passing out at the top of the stairs I climb to reach the second floor of my building, and experiencing multiple heart-palpatations throughout the day, but that’s just my body adapting to the increased training stimulus.