Greg Wennington’s Shake Weight, repurposed as a doorstop, has embraced the new role despite a distinct lack of glamor.
Once skillfully wielded by a compensated fitness model who unleashed wave after wave of dynamic inertia at the Arnold Sports Festival Fitness Expo, the Shake Weight was purchased by Wennington in early in 2010. While Wennington said he thought the product slightly and briefly increased his muscular endurance during back-to-back self-pleasuring sessions, he did not experience the dramatic transformation he expected.
Despite a lack of progress, evidenced by significant increases in weight and body fat, Wennington for seven years entrusted his fitness to the Shake Weight to the exclusion of all other physical activity.
Obese and diabetic, Wennington finally admitted the product was likely “total bullshit,” though his 25 three-minute sessions over the last seven years did not produce a wealth of data for evaluation.
The seldom-used Shake Weight, now holding open the door to the laundry room to alleviate Wennington’s mold problem, admitted it was thrilled to have a true purpose.
“I thought I was going to end up as a gag at some CrossFit gym,” the Shake Weight said. “I’ll just hang out here and do my job like a boss until finger shoes, compression gear and knee sleeves show up to keep me company.”