CrossFit Reduces Man’s Back Squat by Hundreds of Pounds in One Day

INDIANAPOLIS– Tony Marquis, known by his friends simply as “Big Tony”, made a dramatic change to his Gold’s Gym routine last week. Instead of hitting back and bi’s, Marquis visited his local CrossFit affiliate to try the workout program he had heard so much about.

“I saw some guys on television doing CrossFit who looked jacked,” Marquis recalled. ” I knew I’d probably still need to do a real strength program on the side, but I figured CrossFit would be good for when I needed to get a little cardio session in.”

After drinking his typical pre-workout shake, Marquis packed his gym bag with the essentials: A strap-on iPod carrying case, two pairs of headphones, and Inzer Lever Belt, Elite FTS Straps, a Towel, a water bottle containing BCAA Shredded ICE Watermelon, thirteen protein bars, and a hooded sweatshirt with the sleeves cut off.

With his duffle bag in hand, Marquis walked into the nearest CrossFit affiliate, owned and operated by Brad Macmillan. After 10 minutes of negotiation, MacMillion agreed to let Marquis participate in the class, bypassing his gym’s beginner program.

“The workout for the day was working up to a max back-squat,” Macmillan explained. “Marquis insisted he knew the movement and would ‘dominate’ the leaderboard with his 500 pound squat, so I allowed him to join in on the class. I was sure to pay close attention to him,” He added with a grin.

Within minutes of starting the workout, Marquis loaded his bar, removed it from the rack, and stepped back. Macmillan watched him carefully.

“He proceeded to quarter squat 405 six times, slammed the bar into the rack with a victorious grunt, and looked around to see who was looking at him.”

That’s when Macmillan decided to being coaching his gym’s guest.

“I started yelling to him that his reps weren’t low enough to resemble anything like a squat. At first I thought he was ignoring me, but then I saw the massive iPod carrier strapped around his arm and realized all he could hear was Linkin Park.”

Witnesses say that after a brief interaction between Macmillan and Marquis, the latter threw up his hands and stormed off. He eventually returned, and after looking to Macmillan for direction, stripped his bar down to a single pair of 45 pound plates.

“For the next 10 minutes, Brad basically stood next to him and said some combination of the words “lower”, “no”, and “better,'” Recalled Theresa Hoffman, who was squatting at the adjacent rack.

“By the end of the session, Brad had taken away his barbell and was trying to get him to perform a full squat with two 20 pound dumbells. Watching him groan, sweat, and struggle until he finally broke parallel reminded me of the mixture of pain and joy I felt when I gave birth to my first child.”

After the session, Marquis thanked Macmillan, but declined to sign up for a membership.

“I came in here with a 500 pound squat, and now I’m being told I can barely squat an empty bar. I always heard CrossFit makes you weak, and now I know it’s true.”