Dozens Hospitalized After Discovering Satire Applies to Them

At least four people are in critical condition and dozens more have been hospitalized after reading on what authorities are calling “viciously accurate satire.”

The article, posted by The Overheard Press early this morning, triggered such severe emotional distress among readers that it had to be taken down.

“We started getting calls that readers were being hospitalized for emotional distress,” said Bruce McConkie, Editor-in-Cheif of The Overheard Press. “One lady was found in the fetal position under her desk by co-workers.”

Capt. Jim Bradley of the Canton Fire Department told reporters this afternoon that numbers were “still coming in,” but there may be “some casualties.” The number could rise as search teams expand their operation. First responders are looking in the vicinity of designated safe-spaces and

One victim, who asked to be identified only as “Barbara,” said she is still being treated for third-degree butthurt.

“I love satire when it makes fun of other people’s inconsistencies” Barbara explained. “But when it applies to me, or challenges a belief I hold dear, that’s when it crosses the line.”

While most victims are pleased to hear that The Overheard Press has retracted the article, others are disappointed.

Defending the retraction of the article, McConkie explained that “The Overheard Press has a long and proud history of caving into pressure after triggering tiny, vocal minorities. We want to continue to honor that history.”