Client-Stealing Gym Owner Shocked That Members Are Stealing Lacrosse Balls

After years of seeking to acquire fickle, self-centered, shameless athletes from other gyms, J.D. “Grinder” Gibbons is baffled by the recent disappearance of all his gym’s lacrosse balls.

“This bucket was full last month, and now it’s empty,” an angry Gibbons stated, with no less than 10 Regionals-level athletes doing their individualized competitor’s programs while wearing headphones and not interacting with anyone. “This is a community, and theft is not acceptable.”

Gibbons, who has for the last three years actively solicited the top athletes and coaches of other gyms in the area, also noted missing supplements and apparel.

“It’s like someone think’s he’s entitled to my stuff,” Gibbons said. “It’s just wrong.”

Taking a break from planning a “community-building event” at which he planned to approach other gym’s members to market his competition stream of programming and upgrade his Regionals team, Gibbons also found that four kettlebells and two of the gym’s barbells were unaccounted for.

“I built this place piece by piece, and now someone is trying to take it away from me. What an asshole.”