Aspiring Regionals athlete Timmy Tanner confessed that he “didn’t have a hot clue” about the hilarity of a recent Overheard Press article, but he hit Instagram’s heart button solely because his idol, Mat Fraser, had liked the post.
“I’ve gotta be honest: I don’t really get satire. I tried milk loading for close to six months before someone told me it wasn’t a real thing. Those were tough, tough months with little progress in the gym.
“Another time, I really thought that the guy who skipped CrossFit classes for six weeks deserved a refund. Why shouldn’t he get his money back?”
Tanner, who thinks The Onion’s Area Man is a real person, felt a hot flash of awkwardness when he didn’t understand a recent Overheard Press headline, but he immediately felt better when he was able to tack another heart to a post Fraser had liked.
“Mat’s the Fittest Man on Earth, and that has to mean something when it comes to fake fitness news,” Tanner said, shortly before writing the manufacturer to inquire as to exactly why his $160 jump rope failed to improve his skill with double-unders.