Cristiano Ronaldo Immediately Regrets Challenging Mat Fraser to Deadlift Contest, Fakes Injury

Annoyed by the outcry in the CrossFit community when he was awarded top spot in Sports Illustrated’s Fittest 50 list, soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo called out Mat Fraser, hoping to “Settle this publicly and shut some mouths.”

“Does Fraser he even wax his chest?” Ronaldo tweeted, indicating that smooth, bronze-toned skin was a primary component of Sport’s Illustrates definition of fitness.

While Fraser admitted he would have preferred to watch female Games champ Tia-Clair Toomey beat the soccer star, he accepted the challenge anyway.

Responding to Ronaldo, Fraser posted a short video of himself warming up with 275 lb. for an easy set of 20 “just to get the blood moving.”

Ronaldo, who was out for a 45-minute jog to “prime his aerobic system,” returned to the gym to start his own barbell warmup. As his athletic trainers loaded his bar with 5 kilo plates, Ronaldo saw Fraser’s video, and was immediately struck by grievous injury.

Ronaldo crumpled to the floor dramatically as if his bones had suddenly disintegrated. Writhing on the rubber matting in agony, and perhaps close to death, Ronaldo clutched his left shin and even squeezed out a tear before he was helped to his feet by a very concerned athletic trainer. Now favoring his right leg and repeatedly checking his lip for blood, Ronaldo limped gingerly out of the gym, obviously too injured to deadlift.

After making a miraculous recovery a few minutes later, the frustrated soccer star challenged Tia-Claire Toomey to a 10k run. But after fans sent him word of the Aussie’s blistering performance in the Run Swim Run event at the 2017 CrossFit Games, Ronaldo accidentally bumped into a parked car, collapsing on the ground with what looked to be another life-threatening injury.