The Overheard Press learned early this morning that CrossFit Games athlete Dan Bailey has taken a break from his busy training schedule to donate part of his body to a child he has never met.
After watching a Netflix documentary on children suffering from stunted muscular development, Bailey was moved to do something. He realized that his own body, overflowing with muscle, was what these children needed.
“When I learned there were children out there suffering from weak and undeveloped muscles, I felt greedy and ashamed,” Bailey explained. “I mean, I’m carrying around enough muscle for like 20 sick kids.”
After volunteering to help, Bailey was screened as a possible donor. Doctors determined that he was carrying approximately 10 pounds of “excess” muscle in his shoulders, biceps, and triceps.
Dr. Sturgill Cox, who will perform the transplant, says Bailey is at no risk.
“Even given the demands of his sport, the amount of upper-body muscle he has is totally unnecessary. We estimate that he can safely donate 6 pounds of bicep and tricep and see no noticeable decrease in his performance.”
The transplant, scheduled for this Wednesday, is predicted to take 6 hours. While Bailey says the real benefit is knowing he improved the quality of life for a sick child, he admits he’s also looking forward to having more reasonably proportioned arms.
“The firs thing I plan to do when I get out is buy a standard men’s polo-shirt and put it on without splitting the sleeves. I’m also hoping I’ll be able to brush my teeth without my bicep chaffing my forearm.”
Though he declined to comment on the subject, sources say Bailey is also hoping a visible reduction to his arm size will lead to fewer unsolicited marriage proposals, and perhaps fewer restraining orders against female stalkers.