Ricky Garard Receives Four Year Ban From Public Apologies

Australian Ricky Garard has publicly responded to his disqualification and ban from the CrossFit Games, but expert reports have determined that his statement plagiarizes a variety of previously published apologies by disgraced Tour de France cyclists.

2017 Reebok CrossFit Games podium finisher Ricky Garard was stripped of his third-place title after testing positive for banned performance-enhancing substances in a sample taken after this year’s final event.

As a result, Garard has been banned from participating in any CrossFit-sanctioned event through the 2021 season, but analysis of his recent public statement have lead to new sanctions.

“Garard’s statement tested positive for previously published material, and he appears to have inadvertently admitted to cheating in regionals as well,” explained a CrossFit Games spokesman. “That’s enough to qualify him for a 4-year ban on future public apologies.”

Details of Garard’s apology lead to scrutiny from forensic experts, who concluded that the athlete had indeed stolen material from a 2013 apology from Lance Armstrong.

“It was the delicate balance between taking and avoiding responsibility that tipped us off,” the official report stated.

Garard is also expected to lose the US$76,000 he won for his Games performance, though early reports indicate that he already spent the majority of his prize money on veterinary-grade anabolic steroids for his pet horse, “Chester.”

At time of press, Garard was also under investigation by Instagram, following allegations that the he violated established character-limits in his post.