Man Who Started CrossFit to Improve Functional Ability Now Too Sore to Move

When Donny Jacobs converted his garage into a CrossFit gym, he was planning to take a step toward health hand fitness that would improve his quality of life. The 44-year-old software engineer had spent the better part of a decade behind a computer, and was ready for a change.

“I was overweight and having trouble doing things that use to be easy for me,” Jacobs recalls.

A former collegiate athlete, Jacobs was once capable of performing 15 strict pull-ups in a row. Now he couldn’t do a single one. Harnessing his competitive spirit, he recruited his friend, James Horton, and the two began training together each morning.

Brushing past the “How To Start” tab on the homepage, Jacobs dove right into the “Workout of the Day.”

“I heard somewhere that you can change workouts to make them easier, you know, if you’re a woman or a small child,” Jacobs ignorantly explained. “I’m obviously a man, so I did them all as prescribed.”

After the first week of 40-60 minute workouts, Jacobs noticed changes taking place in his body. “I went from not being able to do a single pull-up, to not even being able to put my arms above my head.”

Frustrated with his reduced functional capacity, Jacobs concluded that despite all the hype, CrossFit doesn’t work.

“I heard it was such a great program for improving fitness, and here I am weaker than ever. Without my wife here to feed me and help me stand up from the toilet, I’d probably just die here.”

At time of press, Jacobs had recovered all of his lost capacity and was busy constructing a children’s IKEA bunk-bed without using the instructions.