Orangetheory Fitness Dressing as CrossFit for Halloween

BOCA RATON, Fla. — Company representatives report that Orangetheory, the group fitness franchise with heart-rate monitors, will be dressing up as CrossFit this Halloween.

Orangetheory members have shared a mix of amusement and confusion with the news. “I thought Orangetheory already was a type of CrossFit,” said Jane Delway, who has lost 10 pounds with Orangetheory without any discernible improvement to  her athleticism. “Because they’re both group fitness, and you do exercise, and… you know.”

Orangetheory reports that it is  genuinely hoping people will find its costume convincing. The company has also increased the use of terms like “intensity” and “science,” though Orangetheory employees admit they have no idea what these words mean.

“We’ve supplemented our costume by referring to the cheerleaders who run our classes as ‘coaches’,” said Marketing Director Stacey Sham. “We might even add a barbell to each location– For display purposes only, of course.”

The realistic CrossFit costume Orangetheory is wearing will come complete with actual muscle definition and strength, along with shin bruises and torn hand callouses.

Affiliate Michael Barnett of CrossFit Avocado, whose location is across the street from an Orangetheory, says the costume is not as original as it may seem. “Since we opened, I’ve seen martial arts dojos, garage gyms, and even rock-climbing studios posing as CrossFit,” Barnett reports. “I think people would still hand over candy if Orangetheory just dressed up as Moana this year.”