Rogue Fitness Announces Pumpkin Spice Hand Chalk

As temperatures drop, Rogue Fitness has released a new seasonal line of scented hand chalks, including Pumpkin Spice and Salted Caramel. The announcement of Rogue’s new festive chalk led to a brief server crash as hundreds of young white women in yoga pants flooded the company’s online store.

“Nothing accents the rubber and sweat smell of the gym like artificial pumpkin pie,” said Sheileen Doty of CrossFit Chica Blanca as she sipped a pumpkin spice kale smoothie. “It reminds me of my grandmother, although she never spent an hour in the gym and actually baked pumpkin pies from scratch.”

Kristen Culver, Sheileen’s bestie, claims that it’s all about motivation. “What could possibly make me want to burn calories more than the prospect of eating?” she said while covering her hands in the orange chalk before a set of box jumps.

With the widespread success of scented chalks, Rogue plans to expand their seasonal line to include the new Pecan Praline and Peppermint Candy Cane.

However, critics have cast doubt on the need for the products. “Rumors that athletes are eating the chalk are unfounded,” said Rogue spokeswoman Megan Griffith. “However, should they do so, the chalks include both caffeine and protein, so they perfectly supplement your athletic needs.”