Patrick Vellner Just Going to Australia to Retrieve Third-Place Medal

A member of Canada Team in the upcoming CrossFit Invitational, Patrick Vellner revealed he’s mainly going Down Under to get his CrossFit Games third-place medal from disqualified Australian Ricky Garard.

“The Invitational will be fun, of course, but I won’t lie to you and say I’m not thinking of ways to kinda, you know, ask Ricky for my medal while I’m in Australia,” Vellner said. “It would also be super cool if he could sign that oversized third-place check for $70,000 over to me at the same time, but I’m OK with an e-transfer or whatever, too.”

Australian CrossFit expert Lachlan Williams predicted the conversation between Vellner and Garard will be “about as awkward as a wet fart in an elevator” but was confident Vellner would leave Australia with the bronze medal.

The jovial Canadian said he thought he might just “shoot the breeze a bit” and then casually work the request into a conversation.

“I thought I might be like, ‘Thrusters are pretty cool, eh? Remember that time we did some at the CrossFit Games in Madison … and maybe can I get that third-place medal from you?'”

At press time, Garard, banned from competition for four years after failing a drug test at the CrossFit Games, was reportedly not responding to text invites from Vellner to “go for coffee and hang.”

“It’s weird. He usually responds right away,” Vellner said, looking at his phone. “I can tell he’s seen the message, but he’s just not responding.”