Man Falls Asleep During Cryotherapy Session, Wakes up in Distant Future

After reading about cryotherapy on a popular fitness blog, fitness facility manager David Carlsen decided to give the popular recovery method a try.

On Friday, the 36-year-old purchased a cryotherapy tank for his facility, a luxury training facility equipped with state of the art cardio machines, smoothie bar, and Zumba room.

“It was a big investment,” Carlson admitted, “But when people find out you have a cryotherapy tank, they are more likely to sign that year-long non-refundable contract. With any luck, they won’t ever use it.”

After clearing out an unused storage room in the back of his facility, Carlsen installed the massive steel tank. As he turned on the device, a eerie mist began overflowing from the top.

What happened next is not clear, but investigators have pieced together a rough timeline of events.

At some point on Friday night, Carlsen stripped down and entered his cryotherapy tank. He then appears to have fallen asleep. During this short nap, a surge in the local power grid caused Carlsen’s cryotherapy tank to drop significantly in temperature, and destroyed the automatic shut-off function that limits therapy sessions to 10 minutes.

Days, weeks, and then years passed. Carlsen was reported missing, but was never found. No one ever bothered to check the back room, or peer into the cryotherapy tank, which was assumed to be empty.

“I had considered trying to sell that thing on Craigslist,” said future owner Frank Mullins. “But those were just a fad that died out in the 2020’s.”

Carlson’s session lasted until January of 2290. Naked and confused, but profoundly recovered from his last workout, Carlson emerged from the storage room that held his cryo-tank. The world he now entered was not kind to him. Everyone he’d known was long dead, and the globo-gym he once managed had turned into a CrossFit affiliate centuries earlier.

“As soon as I came out, I saw that the world had changed,” Carlsen said. “There was no place for me here. There were children snatching 300 pounds, and when I asked where the pec-dec had gone, nobody knew what I was talking about.”