Athlete Strategically Holds Poop for Gym’s Single Bathroom

Richard Daly, a long-time client of CrossFit Lumberyard, has a history of disrupting his gym’s morning classes. The 39-year-old software engineer routinely holds his morning bowel movements until five minutes before the start of the 6AM class.

Jesse Miller, who coaches the gym’s morning classes, says Daly’s behavior is both confusing and frustrating for her other clients.

“He shows up right before class is about to start, walks right into our bathroom, and takes his morning dump,” Miller explained. “It’s like he enjoys knowing there is a line of irritated people waiting on the other side of that cheap, hollow-core door.”

Witnesses say Daly takes an “exceptionally long time” to perform his morning bowl movement, and many speculate that he fully undresses before taking his throne.

“I think he’s catching up on emails from in there,” said one gym member.

But the lines that form outside of CrossFit Lumberyard’s only toilet aren’t the only problem Daly’s morning routine causes. One client described the trauma she experienced when she tried to change in the bathroom immediately after Daly left.

“It smelled like I was in the kennel of a dying animal.”

Holding her breath and attempting to changer her clothes quickly, she began to panic. “I just change in my car now.”

In a rare break from his routine, Daly once chose to hold his bowel movement until after class, followed directly by a shower. When he finally exited, Bill Weathers was the fist to enter. The 60-year-old Vietnam veteran was immediately paralyzed, the odor and humidity combining to trigger an episode of wartime flashbacks.

Miller says her affiliate has plans to expand to a larger facility, and hopes a second toilet will help reduce the gym’s morning congestion.