Man Dominates Workout, Still Lets Everyone Know He’s ‘Out of Shape’

Donald Jacobs, known around his local CrossFit gym as “Dick”, has once again posted the fastest time for the workout of the day, only to complain to his unsympathetic peers that he is “pretty out of shape.”

Jacobs has performed well in the CrossFit Open during previous years, and even won a local fitness competition, but the 24-year-old athlete believes he should be performing at a much higher level.

“Any time he thinks he could have done better on a workout, he complains about how out of shape he is, despite the fact that none of us were asking for an explanation of his performance,” said one witness. “It’s like he wants us to know that if he was really trying, he could beat us in the WOD by even more than he already did.”

Jacobs has been known to complain vigorously before training as well, often citing his “poor recovery” or “lack of sleep” as reasons that he will under-perform. Witnesses say this usually results in Jacobs winning the workout by a significant margin.

“It’s like he thinks he’s Rich Froning, and anything less than a Games-worthy performance demands an explanation,” explained fellow gym-member Christine Daley. “Meanwhile I’m over here just happy I finished the scaled version without puking.”