SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — As part of an informal CrossFit Open ritual, Games Master Dave Castro has published an image of a raised middle finger on his Instagram account @thedavecastro that allegedly signals what the next workout will be.
The photograph, which appears as a vulgar gesture to the average citizen, speaks volumes to CrossFit detectives. “I think the single finger means we will just do a one rep max of something,” an adorably naive Noah Olsen told reporters. “There’s nothing else Castro could have meant by this picture.”
However, not all CrossFitters have the same interpretation. “The middle finger is obviously a hint that the workout will be tailored to well-rounded athletes who are in the middle of the pack,” guessed Susan Waters, who has literally never correctly guessed a movement, rep scheme, or time limit on any Open workout using Castro’s clues. “Either that, or it’s the workout for seventeen-point-one again.”
Casual CrossFitter and astrophysicist Dr. Stephen Reese has questioned whether the clues can be understood by human beings at all. “I’ve concluded that Castro must be using some alien form of communication unknown to use at this time,” Reese stated while enhancing the image on his computer to inspect for microscopic text or a map of Washington D.C. “Because every time we find out what the workout really is, it’s impossible to understand how the clues were supposed to relate to the programming.”
At press time, Castro had just released an additional clue featuring a skeleton in a coffin holding a roll of toilet paper.